Its been awhile since ive been able to write. Months. Its been a hard thing; theres so much stuck inside of me just wanting to be released somehow. I kept coming back to my blog, searching for some sort of inspiration, or reason to just start writing, but much to my dismay, there was nothing.
Tonight, i got a reason to write.
Today was just one of THOSE days. The days where you wish you could just stay in your bed all day, and not have to deal with plans and reality.
I woke up still sick and really sore; and that was no fun. But that was just the beginning.
Then i got into this argument with my really good friend. It was a really sad thing for me, cause ive never been one to fight. And ive never really been mad at a friend. So that was tough thing.
After that, i made a really awesome coffee cake, which seriously, was AWESOME!
Then i realized today, that my plans have to change. And i hate things going differently then i had planned. HATE IT! I just like knowing what to expect. But alas, my school plans are changing. Not by choice at all.
Theres this class- Math! That i just cant seem to pass for the life of me! Pathetic i know. Ohh well. But who knew that one single class, could change everything? Not me! It was going to change everything, and i wouldnt be able to transfer to CSUSB, like id been so excitedly anticipating. That was really quite a bummer. I cried. And i hate crying. And as lame as it is, i did LET that ruin alot of my day.
But not let it ruin my night.
after talking to a wonderful friend of mine about today and just life in general. She gave me this story to read. A story that is so incredible, i just love it. And what makes it even better is that she wrote this story herself. I'd read it before, and it just gave me so much home. And reading it again and again it does the same thing.
Its really great: http://endlessearth.blogspot.com/2008/02/sending-rain.html
SO AMAZING!
"Listen to me. I know you better then you know yourself."
So after reading that, i stepped back. And realized that God doesnt give us faith, but rather oppurtunities to be faithful. He doesnt give us patience, but rather oppurtunites to be patient.
"But what if you change my plans?"; "Maybe i'll provide something better."
Who was i to think i could control all of those crazy plans? Its wholly up to him, and its me who chooses how i respond to to that. I can fight, and be afraid. Or i can let it go, and hope and pray for peace.
I choose hope, and for peace about letting go control of my plans, of my life.
"You must trust that I know what’s best for you. You run, in fear, from the things that are the best for you, the things that I have given to change you and make you better. You must stop running. Do you even know where you are going?"
Thank you for the blessings. The hope. The direction. A place to turn, a place to seek and hide when im afraid. The shelter. The comfort.
Thank you for being my guidance, even when i seem to forget that you are still there.
And thank you my dear friend, for the inspiration and encouragement. I love you! =]
=]
Its all okay.And i know ill always be okay. I can let it go, and relax. I can find comfort and peace now.
