Its okay to be broken at times right? To feel like you have no control, no matter how much you try.
It's okay to be bruised right? And damaged?
I feel like I've got to keep hardening my heart to keep this from happening time and time again.
But this isnt my fault.
I could write about how angry i am, and how sad and confused i am.
How sometimes the insides of my lungs itch and feel like they are burning- because i want to scream at her so loud.,
I could, but i wont.
Cause im slowly realizing things more and more:
-I'm my own person- and as much as i want to help, and console, and protect others. I am still entitiled to my feelings. I still have to do what is good for me- and that doesn't make me selfish. It doesnt.
-As you grow up, you learn so much more. And what you learn can change your heart. I've learned alot lately, and my heart has changed.
Through this- and through encouragement- i've learned- that mostly- it's okay to let go.
It's okay to be broken. It's okay to lose hope. It's okay to be damaged.
But it's good to pick yourself up when your ready- to have hope again. To let yourself heal. To believe that things can change and that miracles can happen.
I have one person especially that helps me believe this.
He helps me heal.
He lets me go on and on, and cry it out.
He does sweet things to help me feel better.
He consistently reminds me- that i am okay. And i will be okay. So will everything else.
He reminds me of my future- when im so overwhelmed with just today.
He brings me back to the basics.
He's so perfect for me.
And i'm so blessed that not only do i have that in my life, but i also get to be that for somebody else.
=]
I didnt expect this post to turn out like that- i had planned to write about healing, and letting go.
And choosing the spirit of my heart.
But it just wasnt there anymore, it was gone. Because in the grand scheme-
I am okay. And I WILL BE OKAY!!
Just like my mom always says.
Love you Mom.
Love you Ray.
" May you have enough happiness to make you sweet. Enough trials to make you strong. Enough sorrow to keep you human. Enough hope to make you happy."
I do have enough happiness- I am happy- just how i am right now. Sitting at Ray's store, with his computer catching up on Greys Anatomy, blogging, and drinking my warm drink. (And watching my sweet man work!! ) I love simple moments like this. These are when i am often the happiest.
It doesnt take much to please me. =]
I have seen and gone through more then enough trials to make me strong- And even though sometimes i buckle, and get weak. I'd say that this girls got a pretty strong heart. "I got it from my momma...I got it from my momma.." Haha.
I've known enough sorrow to keep me human- to keep me considerate, and passionate to help others. I've seen enough hurt to want just help take some of that away.
And I have enough hope to keep me happy- And i find it in the small things. In the simple, ordinary, mundane things. Small talk. Just sitting and relaxing. Writing. Words of reassurance.
=]
gee- reading over this- i write and sound just like my mom. The small things. Simple pleasures for a simple mind... I dont really mind, not at all. =]
