This weekend i took an emergency trip up to Northern California, to see my aunt for the last time, most likely. The whole trip in and of itself, has changed me, and taught me many things. I saw the beauty and love of family, gods perfect planning, and great amounts of support, all for one amazing lady.
When i first went into her hospital room, it just hurt me to see such effort put into breathing. I just stood there dressed in mask and gloves, for her protection, and i just prayed. For her, her family, but mostly that things change. I know that she will be going home, to God, and a wonderful heaven where she wont hurt anymore, but i am just filled with sadness and hurt for all of us in her family.
It hurt me to see her frail weak body, but knowing that she was once so strong, especially in her faith. Hearing her moan in pain, and sometimes trying to talk to somebody who was in the room. Watching the morphine drip into her system, to bring her comfort. But i think what hit me the most is that, sometimes you could see tears. I don't want to believe that she crying, but i do know that she was. She knows were there, and we all know she doesn't want to do this alone. She wants somebody to be in the room with her, somebody who knows her and loves her and wants to protect her. But now its simply out of our hands, its God, slowly calling her home. Thats the most comforting way to think about it.
In the waiting room, we talked about a lot of different things, sometimes trying to suppress the emotions, by watching nascar, or the football. sometimes we talked about Ruth, and what we remembered. licking her plates, always wanting to help or provide for other people, or the way that she has affected soo many different peoples lives. For me, her six, almost seven year battle with ovarian cancer, has inspired me the whole time. The great attitude she had, the desire that she to live, and spend time with her son husband and daughters.
She lived a life worth it.
We discussed funeral plans,details of the service, what she would have wanted, and how exactly we could honor everything that she wanted.
My uncle talked to us, while it was just my sisters and i in the room, talked about how amazing she was, family memories, but also, how we do indeed know where Ruth is going, there is no doubt about that. It just made me so excited, and i just cried. It still hurt to see her, but i know she is comforted by everybody's presence. He explained to us about her battle, encouraged us to know the facts, get tested, and follow up with our doctors. He knew it could be uncomfortable for us, but he appreciated us being there, and knew it was important but everybody to say their good-byes. He talked just to me, about trials in life, they are difficult, and uncomfortable. but they are important, and we have to overcome them, because the reward is later come. He told me life was hard, and unexpected things are gonna happen, when it does, embrace family, and spread love. My aunt and uncle are truly inspiring, I want to make a difference, like my aunt. I want to have that same strength she did. I want the content heart, and unfailing love of my uncle, because while he may be hurt, he still does and will do everything to respect love and honor his wife, till he joins her again.
Live a life worth it. Appreciate beauty. Give more then is needed. Love unconditionally. Invest, Care, And Make a Difference. Have Hope. Stand up for something. Have Passion. Praise God. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Mostly, just love.<3
One woman out of every fifty-five (approximately 1.8%) will develop ovarian cancer some time in her life time.
In 2008, approximately 21,650 women will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Approximately 15,520 women will die of the disease.
Over 70% of all women with ovarian cancer will not be diagnosed until the disease has spread beyond the ovary. This is because the symptoms of early ovarian cancer are often vague and can mimic other common medical problems.
For the small number of women who are fortunate enough to have their cancer diagnosed before it has spread beyond the ovary, the chance for cure is 85 to 90%. However, for the majority of women in whom the disease has spread beyond the ovary, the chance of living for five years after the diagnosis is between 20 and 25%.
She was not diagnosed early enough, and sadly she will be one of the !5.520 women this year, that will lose their lives to this cancer. But all this does for me, is want to raise more awareness then i have done before. I want to make change. I want to make a difference.
Aunt Ruth, you are a indescribable woman, Thank you for teaching me these things.
Cancer is so limited,it cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot destroy peace, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot suppress memories, it cannot silence courage. it cannot invade the soul, it cannot steal eternal life, it cannot conquer the spirt.
, so thats the cute little desk and chair, as well as two of the greatest books (the Time travelers wife, and Go ask Alice)
