"It's a brand new day"

"It's A Brand New Day"-Joshua Radin

( Jenna, i think that you can appreciate this)

Some kind of magic, happens late at night.

When the moon smiles down, and bathes me in its light.

I fell asleep beneath you, in the tall blades of grass.

When i woke, the world was new.

I never had to ask.

Its a brand new day. The sun is shining,

It's a brand new day.

For the first time in such a long, long time

I know, I'll be okay.

Most kind of stories, save the best part for last.

Most stories have a hero who finds,

"You make your past, your past."

Yeah you make your past, your past.

It's a brand new day, the sun is shining.

It's a brand new day.

For the first time, in such a long, long time

I know, I'll be okay.

This cycle never ends.

You gotta fall, in order to mend.

It's a brand new day. It's a brand new day.

For the first time in such a long, long time

I know, I'll be okay.

I know, I'll be okay.

While you explore yourself, and search deep in your heart for happiness.

Breathe out.

Close your eyes.

Let go of the search, just be. Don't look.

Open your eyes, Open your heart.

Breathe in.

Refreshed, a new wind of hope.

A step forward.

"It's a brand new day.:

Another step forward.

"I know I'll be okay."

=]

I love this song.

I wish people could just listen, and let go, of all the planning, the chaos..

And stop searching for happiness,

Breathe for a second, and realize, you actually are happy.

=]

changing plans.

Its been awhile since ive been able to write. Months. Its been a hard thing; theres so much stuck inside of me just wanting to be released somehow. I kept coming back to my blog, searching for some sort of inspiration, or reason to just start writing, but much to my dismay, there was nothing.

Tonight, i got a reason to write.

Today was just one of THOSE days. The days where you wish you could just stay in your bed all day, and not have to deal with plans and reality.

I woke up still sick and really sore; and that was no fun. But that was just the beginning.

Then i got into this argument with my really good friend. It was a really sad thing for me, cause ive never been one to fight. And ive never really been mad at a friend. So that was tough thing.

After that, i made a really awesome coffee cake, which seriously, was AWESOME!

Then i realized today, that my plans have to change. And i hate things going differently then i had planned. HATE IT! I just like knowing what to expect. But alas, my school plans are changing. Not by choice at all.

Theres this class- Math! That i just cant seem to pass for the life of me! Pathetic i know. Ohh well. But who knew that one single class, could change everything? Not me! It was going to change everything, and i wouldnt be able to transfer to CSUSB, like id been so excitedly anticipating. That was really quite a bummer. I cried. And i hate crying. And as lame as it is, i did LET that ruin alot of my day.

But not let it ruin my night.

after talking to a wonderful friend of mine about today and just life in general. She gave me this story to read. A story that is so incredible, i just love it. And what makes it even better is that she wrote this story herself. I'd read it before, and it just gave me so much home. And reading it again and again it does the same thing.

Its really great: http://endlessearth.blogspot.com/2008/02/sending-rain.html

SO AMAZING!

"Listen to me. I know you better then you know yourself."

So after reading that, i stepped back. And realized that God doesnt give us faith, but rather oppurtunities to be faithful. He doesnt give us patience, but rather oppurtunites to be patient.

"But what if you change my plans?"; "Maybe i'll provide something better."

Who was i to think i could control all of those crazy plans? Its wholly up to him, and its me who chooses how i respond to to that. I can fight, and be afraid. Or i can let it go, and hope and pray for peace.

I choose hope, and for peace about letting go control of my plans, of my life.

"You must trust that I know what’s best for you. You run, in fear, from the things that are the best for you, the things that I have given to change you and make you better. You must stop running. Do you even know where you are going?"

Thank you for the blessings. The hope. The direction. A place to turn, a place to seek and hide when im afraid. The shelter. The comfort.

Thank you for being my guidance, even when i seem to forget that you are still there.

And thank you my dear friend, for the inspiration and encouragement. I love you! =]



=]

Its all okay.And i know ill always be okay. I can let it go, and relax. I can find comfort and peace now.

Every Part of Me

Okay okay, so natually i would deny being a hannah montana fan. Because, well, im a seventeen-almost-eighteen year old girl. And as an adult, well i guess i shouldnt be a fan of her.

And while i do enjoy the show sometimes, i'd say that im more of a miley cyrus fan. First off, shes just seems to be an all around good person. 2nd- Shes beautiful, and has a wonderful style.

3rd- I love her music. (Not the hannah montana music people- the grown up, real life miley cyrus music..)

I just needed to straighten that out... Anyhow, once again, i was on the iPhone, but this time i was pandora-ing it up, while studying...and a miley cyrus came on...And well, it just explains me right now.. Here goes... =]



I feel like i'm a million miles away from myself, more and more these days.

Ive been down so many open roads, but they never lead me home.

And now i just dont know, who i really am.

How its gonna be, is there something that i cant see?

I wanna understand!

Maybe i will never be who i was before, maybe i dont even know her anymmore.

Maybe who i am today, aint so far from yesterday.

Can i find a way to be, every part of me?

So ill try to sort things out

and find myself, gotta get my feet back on the ground

it'll take time but i know i'll be alright

cause nothing much has changed on the inside

its hard to figure out how its gonna be

Cause i dont really know now

I wanna understand

Maybe i will never be who i was before

maybe i dont know her anymore

maybe who i am today, aint so far from yesterday

Can i find a way to be every part of me?

I dont wanna wait to long, to find out where i meant to belong

Ive always wanted to be where i am today, but id never thought id feel this way

Maybe I will never be who I was before

Maybe I don't know her anymore,maybe who I am todayAin't so far from yesterday

Can I find a way to be Every part of me?

Cute! =]

Over. Underneath. Inside. Inbetween.

So i was "youtubing" it up on my iphone, and came across this really beautiful song, a worship song in fact. And i fell completely in love with it,i was actually at peace just listening to the words...and the lyrics are just beautiful.


...I know i need you, i need to love you
I live to see you its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you
and i need to hear you is that so wrong?
Now you pull me near you,
When were close i fear you..
Still I'm afraid to tell you all that ive done
Are you done forgiving?
Oh can you look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what ive become
What have i become?
I hear you say;
"My love is over. It's underneath.
Its inside, its in between.
The times you doubt me, when you cant feel.
The times that you question "Is this for real?"
The times your broken, the times that you mend.
The times that you hate me, and the times that you bend.
Well my love is over, its underneath. Its inside, its inbetween.
These times your healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like your falling from grace
The times your hurting, The times that you heal
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
In times of confusion, and chaos, and pain.
Im there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
Im there though your heartache
I'm there in the storm, my love i will keep you, by my power alone.
I dont care where you fall, or where you have been
I'll never forsake you,my love never ends.
It never ends

=]]

One of those songs, that just makes everything else, just simply slip away.
Clears your mind, and gets you to focus, to see that you are loved so deeply, in between, inside, and underneath everything, you are still loved so much.
Its comforting to think that. To realize, you are special, not just to somebody, but to christ, and by god, you can beging to understand a love so vast.
=]

=]

How very true.
It may be hard, but its so rewarding in the end.

My bedroom is completed!

So, my room is finally all done!
Well, its been done, its just taken me awhile to actually clean it, and then put pictures up.
But here they are, My mom and i went to lowes to get dark blue paint for my room and after i had all the paint chips picked out, i saw this really pretty yellow color, and decided to paint my room yellow, black and white!
I'm very happy with it.
Its very calming and relaxing....and not to mention it is my very own room!! =]

This is the small entryway into my room. all three walls are nice and black,and the other wall has a picture of the dear quinsland ladies ( my mother, my aunt joan, my dear aunt ruth, and my grandmother). I love looking at that picture everytime i come in and leave my room.

Super cute! =]
Anyways, the other 2 walls are yellow and the last one is a crisp white.

My bed used to be white, but i painted it black, as well as my dresser, and one of my mirrors to match the room better. I also bought the cutest bedset for my bed!


SEE!? I love it!

This is the mirror and dresser that i did!

The pictures on my dresser are pretty special to my, its of me when i was in the fourth grade, and i was holding tadhgian the day he came home from the hospital after he was born! Hes such a cute boy! And the other is a card from my oldest brother while he was serving in korea.
Then the picture on the yellow wall, i absolutley adore! Its always been in my living room, since i can remember, but my mom redid that room, and gave that picutre to me. Its just a sweet tiny little innocent baby, being held in a single hand! Its soo sweet!
I cant wait to get more pictures in here, i just need cute frames and to actually get the pictures printed.

the next wall has a pretty big window, so i decided to put my desk there ( i built that desk, well i mean i didnt build it but i put it together, and im pretty proud of that. I even learned to used these awesome screws, i think they are called cap lock screws, they're kinda neato!

, so thats the cute little desk and chair, as well as two of the greatest books (the Time travelers wife, and Go ask Alice)

And then my closet!!


I love it!
ANd im glad it's done!

Graduation.

My graduation came and went, and i was pretty excited about it. I'm really all done now! =]
Here's some pictures of the night, and then ill get to writing about it. I am sad, that a few of the pictures however, were missing from the camera. This was right after; and i was getting ready to go.
My mother and I.
Daniel and I.
Tabitha and I
YAY! =]]

I didnt think i would be nervous at all, and for the most part i wasnt. This was my night, and i couldnt wait for it. After i waited for what seemed to be forever in the gym with all the other graduates, and talking with teachers and stuff it was finally time to start. As the music started playing; i was just thinking, like wow, you did it. You are done with this chapter.
It wasnt easy for me to be proud of myself, because i didnt think there was much to be proud of. And part of me was a little saddened that my dad wouldnt come, i knew he wanted to, he made that clear to me. But still...
So anyways, as the ceremony began, i was really excited...
And i got an award i wasnt expecting to get, The Three year graduate award, although, i graduated in two. So that was nice.
And then it came time to actually recieve my diploma, i just felt this like bubbly joy and peace when they called my name, and it was nice to hear my BFF tabitha yell "LOVE YOU" super loud =] I love her!
It was just such a wonderful night!
And in the end i felt accomplished,
but a line kept playing though my head...
"This is your life...are you who you want to be?..."
and im quite inspired everyday, to be really, who i want to be.
Ah, i just love music.
And lyrics.

Anyways, that night i went to Johnny Carinos (one of the faves..) and ate with Tabitha!
And came home with flowers from my dad waiting on the counter!
It was a good night!
=]]

dark blue, dark blue...have you ever been alone in a crowded room...

Since im up at one thirty, because i had too much espresso at work today, well yesterday...
I decided ill blog about all the hopeful changes to take place in my room in the next two weeks..

first off, id like it to be dark blue

and id like this bed


and a black small desk.

and a verse on the top of my white wall.

Thats all my plans for now.

Its gonna happen soon!

=]

It is a goal of mine to being blogging more regularly, about anything. I realized that when i push myself to write about my life, or emotions or whatever, i diminish my desire to write, and loose the power of relief from writing. So whether it be song lyrics, pictures, postsecrets, or whatever inspires me to write. As long as there is inspiration, then im okay. Im not going to pressure myself anymore as to fit some certain standard. I dont write to have a mega blog, with tons of readers. I write for me.
This is the winner for this blog!

"except when they dont, because sometimes they wont. And indeed, bang ups and hang ups can happen to you..."

And the text on the image sums it up, for many many different people.
Some im glad i believe in, some i wish i didnt, but still do.
Regardless, i believe in you.
I believe in a bigger picture, and that you, just like every single one of us plays a part, no matter how big or small.
I believe your life is worth it- regardless of circumstances.
I believe that in the end, we'll all be okay.
If it's not okay, its not the end.

I believe im meant to be with you.
I believe i will be.
=]

...but i'm ready to fly...

I dont care just how negative and pensive this is. I need to vent, and instead of taking my frustration and other emotions out on other people.

"You are not as persecuted as you make yourself out to be.."- She has no freakin idea. Everyday i get to hear about how awful things are for you, hear you complain about your responsibilties, F*** this, Damn that... You dont create the best enviorment here, and you wonder why i so badly want to leave. Why i seek comfort in other people, when you "try and try", i love you. No doubt about that, but you dont make life that easy.

"You wont amount to anything..." I dont care what you say, i know i deserve what i have. I worked hard for my things, for my accomplishments, i dont care if you think ill get pregnant this year, if i wont complete college, that i'll push everybody away, I am proud of myself. I know who i am. You cant push me around. I dont live for you thank you very much. I dont live to please any of you.

Go ahead, read my journals, talk your crap, try to break me down. You bruised me, but you will NEVER get the satisfaction of breaking me down. Make your jokes, play your games, because im done. I didnt push you away, all of your abuse and stupid vulgar behavior, and your diminishing actions, and theft, pushed me away.

Soon enough i'll be gone.
And as it goes..
When you need me but dont want me, i'll be there.
When you want me, but done need me, i'll be gone.

Regardless of whether you want me or need me, ill be gone.
Part of me is sorry, the other part could care less.

I'll be okay.
And I'll be free.
I can truely beoome the person i was meant to be-
Without any of your influence.

I believe i will achieve.
I believe that i'll be happy with my choices.
Regardless whether you are or not.

I love you, i do.
But i dont like you.
i try to respect you.
I dont want to care about you.

So three things we got straight:
I dont care what you think anymore, if you dont give me reason to.
I'm not what you label. Say what you want.
I know i deserve happiness, and i will be. I'll be just dandy.
_____________________________________________________________________________________