Family.

I came home from work tonight into my new little "house", and i saw that somebody was watching Lilo and Stitch in here and happened to leave it on.

Although i dont particularly like people in my areas- im glad that it was on- it helped me think about something- and helped me to write! =]



You know how little adorable Lilo always says, "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. -Or forgotten!"



Well, nobody is being left behind or forgotten. But it made me think- while my family is having trouble with eachother on sooo many different levels- that when every thing is broken down, and just simple- We ARE a family.



I love my family. Its not perfect- its far from it. But ultimately it is the most important thing!! God blessed me with each of these unique people to be in my family- so why would i ever want to lose that? As i've grown- family has become more and more important to me and im sure it will continue to be that way- especially when it comes time to have my own family.

Family becomes a part of who you are. You don't choose your family. You are blessed with them- and them with you.



For me- you dont abandon family. you dont blame family. you love, reconcile, and forgive- you keep going as a family... and nobody gets left behind. =)



I wouldnt trade my family for the world:

I am going to write a few lovely things about each person in my family:



My Dad- He is the most Generous person i know. He has such an amazing strength in the Lord, and passion for the Lord. He is a leader, a good leader. An abundant supplier and provider. He is smart and willing. Experienced, and humble.He's my father. He's irreplaceable. A blessing.



My Momma- She has inner strength like no other. She is so committed to her role as a wife and mother. She is a good planner and care taker. She bends over backwards and makes everything work some how. She creates beautiful things. She writes like i do. We think alike sometimes. She likes talking to me, and spending time with me. She enjoys the little things, and finds god's hand in the smallest of things. She represents such great hope and peace and love. I know she would love that. =] But its very very true.



Daniel- He cares, and knows how to handle most everything. He's experienced in life, and can share is wisdom. He's a peacekeeper. He can create some of the most beautiful photos. He is real. He can cook- soo well!! =] He's so enjoyable to be around. He's the only person that smells good while they smoke ( i dunno if its just that kind of ciggarettes or what!). His laugh- makes anybody smile. And he has such love for his family-and his beautiful wife Marissa.



Marissa- She is just happy and cheery! I love her! I love that she is soo unique! I love all her shoes and cute accessories! I love that the very minute she met our family she took a personal interest in each of us, and her very own sisters and brothers. I love that she loves being a Crowley. I love the fact that we get to keep growing closer as sisters as the years go by and by. =] I love that she is a wonderful and beautiful person- who is just so perfect for daniel! I love that shes my sister now!



Rhiannon- I love that you let yourself be vulnerable. I love that you want so much for your family. I like that you try to bring humor to tough situations. I like that you've encouraged me in so many different ways. I love your passion for life, and your stamina and endless supply of energy to keep going- whether or not you want to. I like that you try to keep a good attitude as much as you can. I like that you call me and say, "Hey sister, whats up!?" quite often! =]I love all your little babies- they are all so special to me. They are soo beautiful and lovely. i love watching them grow with one another, and i love to play with them! Im glad you have realized whats most important in your life, your family- with us, your husband and your children! Love you!

Steven- I like that you encourage me to make my life- whatever i want it to be. I like that you have a strong work ethic. I like that you find the smallest things humorous. And when you laugh like a silly girl during movies! I like that you can find a good medium between serious and relaxed. I like that you have 4 beautiful children to raise with rhiannon! And i like that you do whatever needs to be done- whenever it needs to be done. =]



Jenna- You are just a beautiful person! I love how you devote yourself to both matthew and silas- and your new baby. I love how you engage them with such love and interest. I like that you can be the strong one for me sometimes, when i just talk to you. I like when you share music with me- just because you think id like it. =] I like when you come over and we just talk. =] I like when we would always stay home during "starting over" hour- and quote all those commercials! =] I like that you are just such a wonderful sister to all of us. =]
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this is getting sooo long- im getting tired- and while id love to sit and write about my family, i have to be up tomorrow kinda early- so i will resume with mathhew and finish up with the family then! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Summer Story...

Tonight i came onto my blog, pretty much aimlessly. I re read many of my posts, and realized how much i've grown up since i first started writing. How much ive learned, and experienced, and healed.
I realized just how much time has gone on, and how many signifigant things have happened during this short time.

When i first started writing, i was hurt and no longer knew who i was. I was lost. I was sad, and vulnerable. I was also young. As i grew, i learned things about change, about love. Life and hope.
Lessons, i'd trade for nothing.
I experieced death in my family, i found my self lost, and found- in Christ's love and compassion.

Now, older, after having been through all of these things, I know, I will always be okay- even when at the time you don't feel like you will ever be whole or okay again.
I know i am always blessed.
I know that i am loved- always.
I've found direction- a passion, and sense of purpose.
I'm where i want to be.
I know what i want for my forever.
I know hope, and i know peace.
I've learned that patience, mercy, and forgivness, take lots of practice.

I consider myself blessed to have learned these things.
Heres to the future- and embracing all that i can.
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Since i haven't written in such a long time, there are soo many different things ( about 4 months of things to cover!) Jeez!!

Lets see- where to begin?

Ohh well, in the end of May i think, I transferred to a new starbucks store. I'd thought it'd be better for me then my previous store, in some ways it was the right move. In other ways though, it was the worst thing. It's been a long and tedious journey- lots of stress, tears, and fear. Although i am taking care of everything and dealing with it as i should, this whole "process" has been quite an eye opener, but also an oppurtunity to be patient, and peaceful.
I've just been questioning lately- wheres the line? When do you stop being the "good person" and do what you need to do for yourself?

Mmm, well in June- I was accepted to California State University- San Bernardino. I wasn't really anxious about being accepted, as i was a transfer student and all. After many obstacles- i'm now fully admitted (rather than just conditionally) and registered. For awhile, i wasn't really even proud of myself for making it there, beause it just seems like one simple step up from VVC, where as all the people i've grown up with are moving away to arkansas, hawaii, connecticut, pennsylvania- all over!! I never considered moving, i never considered anything else.
However, I am really glad that I didnt consider anything else, and have ended up where i am at. I am happy where i am at,and i would never want to leave. I'm quite excited for my classes- i am passionate about my studies. Especially all my Human Development classes! =] I say that now, but we'll see what i say when the semester starts.

Not too much longer after that, my dear grandma- Donna K. Gerrits- got sick. Man, this lady is one of the strongest ladies i know. She had like 9 lives- i kid you not. Shes cheated death, time and time again. She got really sick, and had to have an emergency surgery. Doctors told her she was so weak that she might've not even made it out of surgery- let alone ever fully recover. Of course though- my stubborn and strong little grandma- did both. Eventually she was released to go home- and had been doing really well. Some had said that she was better then she'd been in a long long time. But soon after that she got sick again. My parents went down to the hospital and knew that this would probably be the last time- as her heart was weak and kept stopping. It was time for Grandma to go home. My dad told me that he watched as her heart started to slow down, and he held her hand- as if to comfort her in those last moments- he told her that he loved her. Kissed her, and let her go to the angels on June 23rd. My grandma- i've never really said much about her death since it happened. I tried to write- but i couldn't even finish writing in my journal about it. I'm okay. It's just not fully processed. I think of all these different memories when i think of her. Singing "feliz navidad" when she played the piano, her recitals. The most recent i remember ( which was the last time i'd seen her) She told me that i looked good, nice and healthy she'd said. She hugged me and told me that she was serious when i'd thanked her. She asked how i was doing in refrence to my illness, and i told her i'd been doing really well. She went on to tell me this story about a character in the bible who is so sick and sore. Yet has the faith to know that God will heal him, and that he will be okay!! Can you believe my grandmother compared me to that guy!? It's amazing! My grandma was such a blessing to have! But as life goes, as we all know it will- everybody has a time to go. My little sister wrote that "Christians are the only people who can truely celebrate death." And its true, Grandma is in Heaven!! Can you just imagine?
And although i havent fully processed and healed from her death, the priest that conducted her services, said something that really was special to me. He first explained my grandmas love and passion for music and the piano- and how most people dont understand all those black lines on the sheets- but from that- my grandma knew to make senese of all of that- and make something so beautiful. The preist had said,
"Learn to take all of these things that don't make any sense- these obstacles, these pains, sorrows,and challenges- learn to make them into something so beautiful."

R.I.P My dear Grandma. I'll keep tryin to live like that guy in the bible who had such faith and hope in the Lord!

During the same week that my grandma passed away, we had a family reunion ( for my moms side) going on. I chose to see this as God's hand in our situation, after losing a family member, what is better then surrounding yourself with such love and family? It was really great to see all of my family from that side, and get a little bit of distraction from everything, yet also get some healing, hope, love and support at the same time.

I have a great family!! I really do. It's amazing to see how we all come together in times like these.

Whoo- soo that was emotional!!


Alright- Now were in July! The month of Daniels wedding!! Yay!!
July 10th! What a day, i woke up early to finish all my homework for my classes so i could just enjoy my weekend. Seriously- i woke up at 5 on a saturday for that!! After i finished that, i realized that i needed cash for the money dance for later that night! My sister got up, and i asked her if she wanted to go the bank with me. So we left and went, took care of buisness, and headed on our way home- until my car pretty much lost control and ended up totalled!! Geez, what a damper on the day. It was soo scary,but praise god! were both totally fine- just bruises and burns! Honestly- we are both sooooo lucky to be alive! It could have been soo awful! Once again, god has a hand in everything. '
My wonderful boyfriends parents were the first ones to show up, and they were just really supportive and helpful, then my dad and sister showed up, and finally my boyfriend.
It was nice that they were all there for me to help me be okay with what was going on.
So after getting my car towed, and all that was taken care of- we all packed up our stuff and went down to the wedding!! It was a blast getting ready in the hotel room! And the wedding was soo much more fun!! The dancing and singing! And seeing sweet daniel and marissa!! (They were Beautiful!!) It was a super super great night!!

Alright, so later in July- there was the family reunion for my dads side. Which was a little weird without grandma, but it was wonderful to see all my family. It was a little bit sad that i had to come home for my school final ( it was sooo lonely and quiet at home by myself. I even cried once) but i know that my family had a wonderful time being together, and there are 1000's of pictures to show that!! Little siobhan is quite the photographer!! =]


Then school ended (Got an A!), and lifes gone a little bit smoother since then. Work is still stressful, and awkward, but hey- at least ive got a job! having no car is kinda a problem- but that'll be solved soon too. And school starts in the end of september!
So here's to maybe having a normal "summer" from here on out...

=]

Simple and Sweet

I love my boyfriend.

I think he is the greatest,

sweetest, most considerate, and adorable man ever!

I love you sweet boy!

That is all.