Summer Story...

Tonight i came onto my blog, pretty much aimlessly. I re read many of my posts, and realized how much i've grown up since i first started writing. How much ive learned, and experienced, and healed.
I realized just how much time has gone on, and how many signifigant things have happened during this short time.

When i first started writing, i was hurt and no longer knew who i was. I was lost. I was sad, and vulnerable. I was also young. As i grew, i learned things about change, about love. Life and hope.
Lessons, i'd trade for nothing.
I experieced death in my family, i found my self lost, and found- in Christ's love and compassion.

Now, older, after having been through all of these things, I know, I will always be okay- even when at the time you don't feel like you will ever be whole or okay again.
I know i am always blessed.
I know that i am loved- always.
I've found direction- a passion, and sense of purpose.
I'm where i want to be.
I know what i want for my forever.
I know hope, and i know peace.
I've learned that patience, mercy, and forgivness, take lots of practice.

I consider myself blessed to have learned these things.
Heres to the future- and embracing all that i can.
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Since i haven't written in such a long time, there are soo many different things ( about 4 months of things to cover!) Jeez!!

Lets see- where to begin?

Ohh well, in the end of May i think, I transferred to a new starbucks store. I'd thought it'd be better for me then my previous store, in some ways it was the right move. In other ways though, it was the worst thing. It's been a long and tedious journey- lots of stress, tears, and fear. Although i am taking care of everything and dealing with it as i should, this whole "process" has been quite an eye opener, but also an oppurtunity to be patient, and peaceful.
I've just been questioning lately- wheres the line? When do you stop being the "good person" and do what you need to do for yourself?

Mmm, well in June- I was accepted to California State University- San Bernardino. I wasn't really anxious about being accepted, as i was a transfer student and all. After many obstacles- i'm now fully admitted (rather than just conditionally) and registered. For awhile, i wasn't really even proud of myself for making it there, beause it just seems like one simple step up from VVC, where as all the people i've grown up with are moving away to arkansas, hawaii, connecticut, pennsylvania- all over!! I never considered moving, i never considered anything else.
However, I am really glad that I didnt consider anything else, and have ended up where i am at. I am happy where i am at,and i would never want to leave. I'm quite excited for my classes- i am passionate about my studies. Especially all my Human Development classes! =] I say that now, but we'll see what i say when the semester starts.

Not too much longer after that, my dear grandma- Donna K. Gerrits- got sick. Man, this lady is one of the strongest ladies i know. She had like 9 lives- i kid you not. Shes cheated death, time and time again. She got really sick, and had to have an emergency surgery. Doctors told her she was so weak that she might've not even made it out of surgery- let alone ever fully recover. Of course though- my stubborn and strong little grandma- did both. Eventually she was released to go home- and had been doing really well. Some had said that she was better then she'd been in a long long time. But soon after that she got sick again. My parents went down to the hospital and knew that this would probably be the last time- as her heart was weak and kept stopping. It was time for Grandma to go home. My dad told me that he watched as her heart started to slow down, and he held her hand- as if to comfort her in those last moments- he told her that he loved her. Kissed her, and let her go to the angels on June 23rd. My grandma- i've never really said much about her death since it happened. I tried to write- but i couldn't even finish writing in my journal about it. I'm okay. It's just not fully processed. I think of all these different memories when i think of her. Singing "feliz navidad" when she played the piano, her recitals. The most recent i remember ( which was the last time i'd seen her) She told me that i looked good, nice and healthy she'd said. She hugged me and told me that she was serious when i'd thanked her. She asked how i was doing in refrence to my illness, and i told her i'd been doing really well. She went on to tell me this story about a character in the bible who is so sick and sore. Yet has the faith to know that God will heal him, and that he will be okay!! Can you believe my grandmother compared me to that guy!? It's amazing! My grandma was such a blessing to have! But as life goes, as we all know it will- everybody has a time to go. My little sister wrote that "Christians are the only people who can truely celebrate death." And its true, Grandma is in Heaven!! Can you just imagine?
And although i havent fully processed and healed from her death, the priest that conducted her services, said something that really was special to me. He first explained my grandmas love and passion for music and the piano- and how most people dont understand all those black lines on the sheets- but from that- my grandma knew to make senese of all of that- and make something so beautiful. The preist had said,
"Learn to take all of these things that don't make any sense- these obstacles, these pains, sorrows,and challenges- learn to make them into something so beautiful."

R.I.P My dear Grandma. I'll keep tryin to live like that guy in the bible who had such faith and hope in the Lord!

During the same week that my grandma passed away, we had a family reunion ( for my moms side) going on. I chose to see this as God's hand in our situation, after losing a family member, what is better then surrounding yourself with such love and family? It was really great to see all of my family from that side, and get a little bit of distraction from everything, yet also get some healing, hope, love and support at the same time.

I have a great family!! I really do. It's amazing to see how we all come together in times like these.

Whoo- soo that was emotional!!


Alright- Now were in July! The month of Daniels wedding!! Yay!!
July 10th! What a day, i woke up early to finish all my homework for my classes so i could just enjoy my weekend. Seriously- i woke up at 5 on a saturday for that!! After i finished that, i realized that i needed cash for the money dance for later that night! My sister got up, and i asked her if she wanted to go the bank with me. So we left and went, took care of buisness, and headed on our way home- until my car pretty much lost control and ended up totalled!! Geez, what a damper on the day. It was soo scary,but praise god! were both totally fine- just bruises and burns! Honestly- we are both sooooo lucky to be alive! It could have been soo awful! Once again, god has a hand in everything. '
My wonderful boyfriends parents were the first ones to show up, and they were just really supportive and helpful, then my dad and sister showed up, and finally my boyfriend.
It was nice that they were all there for me to help me be okay with what was going on.
So after getting my car towed, and all that was taken care of- we all packed up our stuff and went down to the wedding!! It was a blast getting ready in the hotel room! And the wedding was soo much more fun!! The dancing and singing! And seeing sweet daniel and marissa!! (They were Beautiful!!) It was a super super great night!!

Alright, so later in July- there was the family reunion for my dads side. Which was a little weird without grandma, but it was wonderful to see all my family. It was a little bit sad that i had to come home for my school final ( it was sooo lonely and quiet at home by myself. I even cried once) but i know that my family had a wonderful time being together, and there are 1000's of pictures to show that!! Little siobhan is quite the photographer!! =]


Then school ended (Got an A!), and lifes gone a little bit smoother since then. Work is still stressful, and awkward, but hey- at least ive got a job! having no car is kinda a problem- but that'll be solved soon too. And school starts in the end of september!
So here's to maybe having a normal "summer" from here on out...

=]