Someday..I'll understand. Maybe.

Oh dear, music makes my world go round. I wish there was like an ipod in my brain, that could play any song representing the ways that i feel. I love lyrics, its as if someone has felt EXACTLY what your feeling. I think thats AWESOME!! People say that i have a fantastic taste in music, because its all so varied.


The only reason i bring that up, is cause the last 2 days, music is whats getting me by. That and talking to 2 friends.My life has been shaken, and i dont know know to deal. I have so many unanswered questions, and a fear of the future. Maybe its a control thing, i want my life to go a certain way. I want to be with one certain peron, so i limit my options. And make choices that help to make 'my way' happen. The thought of fate makes me cringe. I hate the thought that everythings meant to happen for a reason, i agree with it a tad.But needless to say, i still hate it. I believe in God, and such, so i wonder if its a sin to limit your options. I guess you could call it 'ignorance'- cause in some twisted way, it kinda is. Its not being willing to do WHATEVER god calls you to do. I read in a book, that god died to save us,and we can choose to be saved or not, but even if we are, we are still left with the choice to actually LOVE god. The whole thing gets me confused. Life always does.

I always think that we can decided somewhat on the life that we have. We can choose to be happy, even if circumstances are crappy (even though most of us dont!!, we can choose what'll happen not by sitting on the couch, just letting lousy FATE take its toll, but rather but yourself out there to get the life you want. To acheive your goals. Fufill your dreams. Again it all comes down to choice. Because realistically, its not
{Whats meant to happen will always find its way}
but rather i believe
{You can make whatever you want happen!!} (if only we would try...)


I seem to be irratated with societies stupid sayings.When did it become the 'thing' to live your life by what people say, and how to do it. Live your own gosh dang life!! Make it how you want!!



I hate when people say to Give things time. Yes time tends to make you forget, move on, but time doesnt actually HEAL, you decide to be healed. But it seems all these sayings bring more questions into my life, I wonder how much time? Then what'll happen..? Why? What if? Etc.
Its cause i want control of my life. Im not really spontaneous when it comes to my overall life, i want it to be the way i have planned it. I hate changes...Cause that means my plan might not work..

Perhaps i should knock it off, let life be life. Cause this planning every aspect of my life right now crap, is making me sooo frustrated. But its hard, becasue i fear the unknown. And i hate unanswered questions.
Oh, dear!! I should keep myself occupied so i dont have time to think about all the confusing parts of life, and jsut make descions that i want!! Isnt that what we all try to, find ways to 'stop' life. With vacastions,drinking, drugs...To stop the stress,or pain that life brings.



The world is screwed up!!! How sad!!